Get out of your way

Jun 8 2022

Aight here we are again
Tonight I got a Russ concert to go to. It's in Charlotte and honestly I'm fucking pumped.
I've looked up to Russ for a long time because of his DIY mentality. 
I've always struggled to find people who want to work like I do. I always feel like if i could just do it all myself I would be so much farther in life.
Mixing, mastering, producing, writing, performing, managing the business, social media, video shooting, editing, buying the proper equipment, self education/motivation, so many things that when you first start to approach all this it can be overwhelming.
If there's one thing I've learned from this journey and all the books I've consumed it's that, success is constantly reminding yourself that you are better and you could be doing better.
Happiness is the polar opposite of sadness right?
Wrong. The opposite of sadness is boredom. When you're bored you self sabotage. You begin to fill in the spare time doing random things. You convince yourself that your time doesn't matter so much, when in all reality it is your greatest resource. There is no such thing as time really, but what you decide to do with your everyday life is what matters the most.

Like today, I got a concert, I could just take the day off and focus on it. Instead I'm here completing my daily writing and I plan on doing my daily reading/french lessons in the car on the way to the concert(after eagerly convincing my brother to drive).
Life is a game and learning how to steer and maneuver your mind is key to winning it.
The controller is in your hands and every moment you choose not to click buttons the joysticks are slowly drifting away. The awareness that you have control at every moment is the key to beating the different levels.

Now these levels can be tricky. Some are much harder than others. It's easy to stir the ship when everything is nice and happy, but when there is turbulence or a storm most people tend to let go of the wheel, at least for a moment. This is perfectly fine as long as you eventually realize that you need to grab hold of it once more.
If you've read this long you probably have something in you that wants to be better. Well let me tell you, I fall off too.
Matter of fact I'm the king of falling off. Sometimes I'll go weeks/months without ever reaching out to people. I can get lost in my own world and throw away the joystick just like everyone else, and I have. The problem is when you leave the controller alone for so long, the joystick tends to start drifting back towards the starting point. It's like God has some plan for us, like he's testing us to see if we have what it takes to weather the storm or to keep playing after dying 100 times.
There is incremental power in will and if you have the will the keep going, at WHATEVER you do, you can be successful.

Now personally I have never met somebody so successful. Tonight I'm going to go see somebody that is living out my dream. To some this might be a cool event and then later it gets shrugged off or not thought about very much.
But me.
I'm going to be dissecting every inch of this evening. I want to embody what it feels like to be at the level he is, so that I can become that. I'm not scared to say it. Russ is living my dream and I'm going to see him to try to figure this thing out for myself(and because it's gonna be stupid litty).

I love music. It's my passion and everytime I try to picture myself doing something else, I can't.
They say you should look at your habits. Study what you lean into. What does your youtube recommended look like? What do you watch, hear, read? Is there certain things you like about your favorite show? What are the qualities of your favorite character? Why do you like this person's storyline so much? IS it a storyline you might want to follow? What do you want to feel in real life?

Today you can experience almost anything on the internet. My father would always tell me "Why do I have to travel? I have the whole world in my right pocket.", and while he has a point there are still a lot of things I know that I just HAVE to see for myself.
Allow me to share a few of my passions in life and maybe you'll be incited to think about a few for yourself as well!

1. Family

I care about my family's well being far more than I care about my own. At least, that's how I've always thought. It's a constant battle to try to love myself more than these people. It's instinctual like when a mother cat hears her babies call out she'll just take off in their direction. Thats me, with my family. I always want to be there for them and thats partially the reason that I haven't left home yet.
Now believe me that day is coming. Being 24 I realize that it is time, my job allows me to do this financially and I have most things I need now to pursue my career in music.
All of this taken into consideration, I still love my family more than anything and part of the reason I want to see my dreams play out so bad is that I can help them see theirs through as well.
We only get so much time in life. This is what I think I will consider on my deathbed.. "Did I do enough for the people I love? Did I help them experience life? Did I create beautiful moments for us? Was I there for them? Was I present and grateful?
Anyways, we can touch on this on a bigger scale some other day, but this is my perspective and if you don't like it then well you can eat a dick(mines preferably).

2.Myself

Well well well.
The biggest struggle yet.
I never made this list in the past. I never considered how much I matter to myself. In my eyes I was always the passenger aboard the ride. My body was my vessel and my mind was constantly at war with myself.
Do I believe in that? Should I be mad? Why am I mad or sad? Why do I worry or procrastinate??
It's hard to love yourself when you aren't DOING THINGS FOR YOURSELF.
Of I didn't love myself, I didn't respect myself.
My heigine, my mental health, my thoughts, I never took the time to get to know myself. TRULY.

There's plent of times when I've THOUGHT I had it figured out. "Oh yeah I DEFINITELY know myself now" -ME almost very year
And then I find myself again the next day and again the next day.
I didn't know myself I only knew what I wanted from myself.
I realize now that I was not the super awesome ceo musician I used to picture myself being. I simply wasn't acting like it.
I would tell myself all these reinforcing thoughts(consequences of motivational book overload)
But I simply wasnt putting the work in or holding myself to a higher standard.

When I finally actually found myself I realized I had a lot of work to do if iI was oging to get to where I want.
When I finally found myself I was disgusted and was almost ready to quit and "fuck this, it's too hardd".
Until I realized who I was giving up on.
The only person that will ever be there for me or experience all of this with me.
So from that day on I decided
1. I'm going to be nicer to myself
2. I'm going to start pushing myself to be who I want to be.
3. I will take care of my body and mind.
4. I will enjoy my own company and work hard to show myself love.
5. I will put in the work because I deserve the benefits that will come from it in the future.

This is just off the top but here are a few things I'm feeling right now.
My timer went off a while ago and I gotta get going to this concert now.
If you'd like to talk more feel free to hit me up through my contact form on my website or anything.
IF you're here you are supporting me in some way and I believe all my fans are just my friends so don't hesitate to hit me up to shoot the shit.
Stay on your grind and stay up.

Also
God/divine connection and learning/knowledge were my next 2 most important things in my life.
Maybe we can dive a bit deeper into all of these topics at some later date ;)
see u tommrw